So I had a pretty good weekend at home. No binging, just a normal few days of eating. It’s good to know that I can have a couple days of normal. I didn’t hugely restrict, just ate pretty healthy. It’s a little easier to do that while training for my marathon – 20 miles on Saturday gave me a little cushion, knowing I’d burned quite a few calories. But I still miss food when I’m eating healthy. Sure, there are healthy things that are satisfying and taste pretty good. But nothing compares to the sugary, fattening, comforting foods that I binge on. So I admit, I do miss it when I’m not able to. I found myself looking forward to flying out of town again on Monday (another business trip), so I could be alone in my hotel room…alone with my food and the toilet. And since then, that’s what I’ve enjoyed.
I hit the grocery store even before I checked into the hotel last night. It was another 2-binge night. It was fast food (Wendy’s), a couple boxes of large soft cookies, ice cream, sugar cookie dough. Always starting with my cottage cheese to make sure I get it all out.
Tonight is much of the same, except instead of the Wendy’s, it was Thai take-out. I also bought a half dozen scones from a bakery next door to the Thai resteaurant. And to follow those up, I still had a cheese coffee cake I bought last night, more cookies, more ice cream, and more cookie dough. I’m a little tired tonight, so I’m going to get rid of this second round (already visited the toilet once tonight), and get to bed.
I wonder how long I’ll let myself stay out of control like this…? What happened to those 5 months of freedom, the 5 recent months in recovery from this? Didn’t I love that life? I won’t let it last too long. I’m just going to enjoy it for a little bit….